Monday, October 15, 2012

Tales of Poo

Poop.  If you are not parent you may want to stop reading now because a) I will gross you out b)I will shortly prove how uncool I have become.  Moms, why is this now not only an acceptable conversation to have, but one that gets every parent animated like no other topic?  I am amazed as to the detail we can get into while casually discussing our children’s bowel habits over a nice meal.  Anything from weird places our kids poop (mine prefers the tub), how brocolli and blueberries affects color and consistency, how corn can be of any nutritional value as it seems to not be digested at all to how well our children wipe if at all.

I also realize how big of a hypocrite this makes me.  I will listen to elderly ladies trade stool softener and laxative tips like their trading cookie recipes and turn to my husband to say in a snarky manner “at what age do we become obsessed with our own bowel movements?”  For some reason, bowel habits of the young, however, is completely acceptable.  We recently had dinner with a group of our good friends.  This group included two doctors, a lawyer, a successful business man, and a teacher.  You would think this group could tackle out nations economic, healthcare and education problems all over appetizers, but what gets us all going-completely disgusting stories about where and how our kids have taken a shit.  (It was hilarious.  You should have been there.)

I believe the dramatic poop story is one that every parent has to have to truly be accepted into the club.  Your badge of honor is earned with a good “poo-tastrophe” (I must credit my friend Lindsey for this brilliant term).  It is a sight to see a group of educated adults try to one up each other in the poo department.  “You got poop on your arm.  That ain’t nothin’.  Let me tell you about the time my daughter shat on the wall…”

I’m not suggesting we abandon this topic.  The well-told narration of a dramatic poop story is an art form.  As long as you are with other parents of course.  If you tell these stories to your friends without kids, you will quickly loose that friend.  But next time you listen to your grandma tell you how she hasn’t pooped in a week.  Don’t judge.  You’re no better.

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