Wednesday, November 28, 2012

A Christmas Horror Story


Ever since we put up our Christmas decorations, we have unknowingly released evil into our house.

 The evil dancing Santa twins.

Kenzie was the first to notice.  Every time they sang their haunting song and swayed their animated plastic hips to the dance of the devil she would run crying.

Then bad things started happening.  The first was the breaking of two Christmas train stocking hangers.  It didn’t happen spontaneously.  No, evil dancing Santa twins are more subtle than that.  They waited until Hudson was playing with them.  They then taunted me by placing a “For Decoration Only.  Not a Toy” sticker on the bottom.   Touche evil dancing Santas…touch√©.

Next, they forced me to watch a bad romantic Christmas movie on the Hallmark channel.  I tried to turn my eyes, but the force of the evil dancing Santa twins was too strong.  Against my will, I watched a second bad romantic Christmas movie on the Hallmark channel.   I tried with all my might to do something productive, but evil dancing Santas said no…you will sit here and watch little Johnny find a new daddy just in time for Christmas.

Christmas ornaments started to fly off of the tree.  I asked my children why there was a broken ornamaent but they both said they had nothing to do with it.  Only evil dancing Santa twins could be responsible.  In their evilness, they tried to make me think that innocent children could be to blame.

It is told that the evil dancing Santa twins are to blame for other Christmas travesties such as fruit cake, socks and underwear as Christmas presents, and any Christmas song performed by either the Eurythmics or Barenaked Ladies.


 Kenzie tried to make a talisman to ward of their evilness.

However, despite our efforts, things have taken a turn for a worse.  Hudson has been possessed by their evil Christmas spirit and now chases his sister around the house with evil dancing Santas, laughing manically while Kenzie runs in terror.

I would do something about this but the evil dancing Santa twins are forcing me to watch another movie starring Henry Winkler as the uncle who reminds his workaholic niece about the spirit of Christmas.  Please, if any one is listening, come help.  And please bring some more Bailey’s for my hot chocolate.

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