I had to be grown-up and actually go to my biannual dentist
appointment. My fear of the
dentist ranks right after something awful happening to my children and global
warming ending life as we know it.
I’ll get into my reasons for this but first I have to tell you this.
When I got there there was a man in the waiting room, feet
kicked up on a coffee table not wearing shoes. Socks but no shoes.
The receptionist told him that it was okay to go now and he left still
not wearing shoes. However, before
he left he looked at us both as said, “I’m sorry but you don’t understand how
hard it is to only sleep for one hour and then drive your daughter to
school.” Then the receptionist
looked at me and said, “I’m sorry about that.” This opened so many questions like: why is he not wearing
shoes? why did he only sleep one
hour? what happened to his
shoes? what kind of dental work
did he have done that caused him not to be wearing shoes? Seriously, what happened to his shoes?
Anyway, one of my reasons for having anxiety over the
dentist is x-rays combined with a horrible gag reflex. There are few things more humiliating
that wearing BluBlocker-esque sunglasses and a napkin around you’re neck,
gagging with a mouth full of dental equipment. This inevitably leads to the reminder, “don’t forget to
breathe.”
I finally have my trump card the next time someone tells me
that they couldn’t find their car keys and it turns out they were in their hand
the whole time our couldn’t find the sunglasses that had been perched on their
head. I can totally win the “Who’s
Dumber?” game with “You think that’s bad?
I once forgot to breathe!”
Turns out forgetting about this physiological necessity was the problem
the whole time.
The afore mentioned humiliation then leads to the scolding,
reason #2 that I hate going to the dentist. If my gums bleed while brushing my teeth my first thought is
not “Oh no, I have periodontal disease.”
It’s that my dentist is going to think I never brush or floss and will
think I’m a dirty, dirty person.
This fear led to a full confessional about how I’ve not been wearing my
night guard.
“I admit that I’ve been slacking on the night guard. It’s just that you have to run it under
hot water first and I like to read in bed and I don’t like to wear the night
guard while I read and then I get comfortable and don’t want to get out of bed
again.”
She responded with “I do that too. But then I get up. Because I know it’s important. “
Oh yeah, Dr. Judgy McJudgesALot, I bet you also never drive
your car one inch over 3000 miles between oil changes and you always change
your Brita Filter right when that little light goes off. You think that makes you better than
me?
I could honestly say I have been flossing though. Because I’m a good person.
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDelete