Wednesday, November 14, 2012

New Sheriff in Town



My name is Hudson and I’m the sheriff round these parts.  I carry a sword.  Since I’m new, let’s get a few things straight.

I don’t tolerate no taking of my toys.  Or looking at my toys.  Or looking like you might be thinking about taking my toys or looking like you might be thinking about looking at my toys at some later time.

I also don’t tolerate looking at me if I don’t feel like being looked at.

There will be no cussing.  Unless you said it first and I think it bears repeating. 
We clear on this shit? (Thanks, Mom.)  Ok.  Good.  Moving on.

I don’t put up with shoes that feel funny or pajamas.  Unless you have already tucked me into bed wearing just underwear.  Then I may want pajamas.  You will get them for me.  Along with socks.  And a drink of water.  And a hug.

If I ask to watch Cars I mean Cars.  Don’t try to replace it with Cars 2 because that’s the one you found first.

I won’t tolerate no hiding of healthy food in other good food.  You try to sneak some peas into a perfectly good bowl of mac n’ cheese, I will find them.  I will kill them.

If you can abide by these rules, we’ll get along just fine. Don’t make me use this sword.

For being the biggest offender of rules 1, 2, and
some others that I haven't made up yet.

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