Wednesday, December 19, 2012

The Day I Beat Target


Today I have done something that will go down in history.  My children will tell of this legend for years to come.  They will then tell their children, who will tell their children until the children say “yeah, yeah, we’ve heard this one before” and go back to playing on their iPhones or holograms or whatever thing children in a 100 years will play with.  The tale will be of how one of their ancestors beat Target.

It was a brisk afternoon.  I loaded up in my trusty Acadia and made the long 1 mile trip to Target for chicken and milk.  I pulled up in the parking lot where that red eye stared at me.  Taunting me.  I stared right back, jutted out my jaw and said, “Milk and chicken.  That is all today.”  The red eye laughed, knowing I would not get out that easily.

That red demon started its assault right as I walked by the health and beauty aisles.  But I said no.  No, I will not buy yet another shade of nude lipstick that is just a little more pink, slightly lighter, than the other 12 tubes of lipstick that I already own.

The bull’s-eye raised his eyebrow knowing now that it had met a worthy opponent.  “Ahhh…a fighter I see.  But have you seen that Nieman Marcus now has a line here?  Designer clothes at reasonable prices.”  Oh, you are cruel you red-eyed devil!  But I said no.

I ran back to the dairy section where I was assaulted by kitchen gadgets that I don’t know how to use, but am sure that I will need one day when I suddenly decide to make cake pops or need stemless wine glasses.  But I stopped.  I said no.

Defiant, I got my milk and my chicken breasts.  Triumphantly, I walked to the glorious land of flowing conveyor belts and fast-moving carts.  The express lane.  I paid for my milk and chicken and shook my fist at that red eye.

Not today Target.  Today I will resist your t-shirts and cardigans.  I will resist your nailpolish and kitchen doo-dads.  Today I have more will power than crap I don’t need from Target.  Today is the day I beat Target.

Whatever you do, do not look it directly in the eye.


No comments:

Post a Comment