Thursday, December 6, 2012

Tis the Season for A-Holes

The season of giving sure brings out the inner asshole in Toys "R" Us shoppers.  Here are just some of the things I witnessed during our Christmas shopping excursion.

I saw a lady in a Mercedes back in to a car and leave without stopping.  In her defense, she was old and it is possible that she didn’t even know she hit a car.  Because we all know old people can’t drive.

I saw two women, mother and daughter I think, arguing with a clerk over a discount.  The same duo then had a yelling match in the parking lot.

“You’re not going to help me carry this stuff!  Are you serious!”

It was kind of like the human equivalent of one of those national geographic videos where the two rams lock horns except with camo and Virginia Slims.  Ok, so they weren’t really smoking Virginia Slims but they looked like the kind of people that might when they got home. One was wearing camo though.

As I was waiting to check out another lady with a full shopping cart was on her cell phone bitching about the wait.  When they switched clerks right before my turn I thought she was going to come unglued.

“You’ve got to be kidding me!”

Did everyone forget what Christmas is all about?  I’m pretty sure if Jesus was waiting in line waiting to pay for the life-sized Justin Bieber cutouts he was buying for all his disciples he…well, he would probably be questioning their taste in music and maybe singing “Baby” under his breath, but he would definitely not be cursing the Toys “R” Us clerks.

I thought about being the bigger person and letting her go ahead of me.  Maybe she'd be so moved by my kindness, she would remember the true spirit of Christmas and apologize for her impatience.  Then I remembered that she’s an asshole and I’m not Jesus.




11 comments:

  1. I so enjoy reading your blog! And now I know why you and Ann are such good friends. Well, I never actually questioned your friendship, but still...
    Elaine

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    1. Thanks, Elaine! Ann and I do get each other although she may sometimes question her choice in friends. : )

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  2. Funniest. Thing. Ever.
    Because it is true!!

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  3. Awesome Post. Found you on The Bloggess :)

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    1. Thank you and so glad you stopped by! If a Justin Bieber singing Jesus didn't scare you off, check out my Facebook page-http://www.facebook.com/SabineofSuburbia?ref=hl

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  4. From the past times I've been an uptight jackwad during holiday shopping, most of what I remember are the people who are calm. They just read a book they brought along, patiently waiting in line while kids and parents alike are jumping around like baboons, except it's their faces turning bright red. And the serenity of these people just made me more nuts. "What the heck are you smiling at? Don't 'Merry Christmas' me! Does this look like fun to you?"

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    1. Every year I tell myself I will start earlier to avoid this drama and every year I somehow forget that Christmas is coming. At least I got to witness some pretty awesome redneck fighting.

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  5. Blame only yourself for venturing out between Black Friday (Thursday) and Dec. 23. Try joining me and my sometimes tipsy bro's on Christmas Eve - no crowds, blessedly limited choices (some items are even unbroken and relatively clean!), the occasional 90% discount on an amputee stuffed animal - infants love them even more! Hair pulling and fistfights are rare, gunfire and discouraging words are seldom heard. Hope I don't get booted from the Guy Club for revealing this secret. David Hester (not my real name)

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    1. I know...rookie mistake. Next year I think Santa will be bringing some amputee stuffed animals. Thanks for the advice and I won't tell the other guys that you revealed the secret.

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  6. I love this post so much. This is precisely why I do all my holiday shopping on Amazon.

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    1. That is probably a much smarter idea. At least I got some good people watching out of it.

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