Thursday, January 24, 2013

Another Installment of Creepy Children's Stories

Hello children!  It's been a while since we've had story time!  I haven't see you children since we read those nursery rhymes,  Curious George, and Madeline. Today we have a special treat-Good Dog, Carl.  Did you know that you're parents have been wasting money on babysitters?  All they need is a family pet!  Not a gerbil or a parrot.  That would just be irresponsible.  No, a large dog capable of ripping your arm off if you get out of line.
Like a Rottweiler.

See how great they are!  They will spring you free when you are wrongly imprisoned by your parents.

And them promptly shove you down a laundry shoot.

Into a dark and scary basement.

And then try to drown you.
Perhaps this baby talked about who really pooped on the floor that one time and Carl is teaching him a lesson.

No, will be fun, really!  Dog babysitters let you eat anything you want!  Like chocolate...and butter.

And then...well, then the dog will try to drown you again.

But he will do your hair before head-butting your ass back into your prison and that's thoughtful.

Oh, who are we kidding?  Carl's an asshole.

(Disclosure statement: I do own a Rottweiler.   He is actually great with my kids and has not once tried to drown them or shove them down a laundry shoot.   I have not yet, however, trusted him to babysit.)