I remember the day that I first felt like an adult. It wasn’t after getting my first
job. It wasn’t after getting my
first paycheck, paying taxes, or even buying a house. The day I felt like I was really an adult was the day I
spent $500 on a vacuum cleaner.
Eric and I had been married for a couple of years. We had just bought our first
house. We had one Rottweiler named
Shelby at the time that shed like crazy.
It pained me to see our beautiful new carpet get covered in a black film
of dog hair. No amount of
vacuuming seemed to get rid of it all so we started our hunt for a new vacuum.
Our first stop was Sears. As luck would have it, there was a salesman demonstrating
all the vacuums on a piece of carpet.
I don’t recommend this as a date night activity. Most of the vacuums left behind some of
the dirt or cereal or whatever he threw on the carpet at that time. Then came the Dyson. That beast on two wheels vacuumed up
everything he put in front of it.
We looked on giddily as it picked up every last Fruit Loop and every
tiny piece of dirt. Scratch what I
said earlier about date night.
Bring your own concoction of things to Sears and really test the vacuum
demonstration guy. “Oh yeah…but can
it suck up this mixture or glitter, dryer lint and cooked spaghetti?” Good times.
We left Sears giving each other the play by play of the
vacuum demonstration like it was the Super Bowl. (I use this analogy loosely as I watch the Super Bowl solely
for the half time show and junk food.)
“Did you see how it picked up all that dirt?!”
“I know it was amazing! But…who spends $500 of a vacuum. That’s insane.”
We agreed and left the store. Then one day we found ourselves at Target staring again at
the vacuum cleaners. Seriously
people, you need to hang out with us sometime. We are loads of fun.
We kept coming back to the Dyson.
“This is stupid.
I mean…it’s a vacuum cleaner” we said knowing full well that we were
going to buy it.
“Well, let’s at least get this one. It’s not as expensive as this model.”
said Eric.
“But this one has pet attachments!” I said.
So out we walked having spent $500 on a vacuum cleaner. We decided that this was not irrational
but was instead some sort of sign of our adulthood. Some people of lesser maturity might spend that money on
booze, techno gadgets, or clothes.
But not us. We were
practical and we bought a vacuum.
Fast forward to yesterday. I was vacuuming up some couscous that had ended up on the
floor after working on a project with Hudson when I accidentally vacuumed up a
red pen. Holy shit! This vacuum is so strong it actually
sucked up an entire pen! I own the
Ferrari of vacuums! That mature
adult that I was talking about earlier would have stopped what they were doing,
checked to see where the pen ended up, and then tried to retrieve it before it
did any damage. What I did was to
think about the claim from the Dyson commercial guy about their vacuum never
loosing suction. What I did was to
continue to vacuum with the pen loudly rattling inside the Dyson.
So now I can tell you two things for certain. The Dyson claim that their vacuum never
looses suction is true. And the
day I realized that I am not really an adult is the day I gleefully vacuumed up an
entire pen with my Dyson.