Tuesday, April 23, 2013

Ain’t Nobody Got Time For Pink Eye

Is there some rule that says “Thou shalt not get pink eye after 30”?  If not, there should be because this is just stupid.  But alas, I have it.  I was at the zoo with my children when it started feeling like I had sand in my left eye.  By the time I got home, it was bright red.

I blame my husband.  He had pink eye a few days ago.  He works in an emergency room so I’m sure he brought it home to me.  That or he farted on my pillow.  If you don’t get that joke you a) need to watch Knocked Up and b) be happy about the fact that your sense of humor is more high brow than mine.  Me?  I still like a good fart joke every now and again.

I thought when I hit my 30s I would finally feel like an adult.  Instead, I still look like a 16 year-old.  The pink eye is not helping.  Hell, why don’t you just throw in a little chicken pox too, Life?  It’s not fair.  I grow up and no longer get to take naps every day, but pink eye…that’s still a go.  Real nice, Life.  I paid good money for my lash extensions and they don’t look so nice with green gunk all over them.  Being in my 30s with a good credit score and decently priced car insurance is not going to make up for that.

Who do I protest too about this?  I need to complain to someone in charge that I am too old for this shit.  If I’m going to get pink eye I at least want the fun stuff of childhood to go with it.   If I have to have pink eye somebody better get me a Kinder Egg, a Capri Sun, and build me fort out of couch cushions pronto.

I gots pink eye.  Ain't nobody got time for that!



5 comments:

  1. Yeah you got pink eye but hey your eyelashes still look GREAT!!

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    1. Thanks! I try to keep my eye infections as classy as possible.

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  2. Um, yes they do! Where did you get those pretties? And yes, I got pink eye too after my second was born. I am pretty sure it's just a reminder for us mummies to remain young at heart. Ahem.

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    1. Emerge-ask for Marissa. Just don't tell her I had pink eye, she may not want anything to do with me anymore. I'm loving the no mascara part of it. No more raccoon eyes!

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  3. So you haven't started asking random lactating women if they will give you some breast milk? ;)

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