Saturday, May 11, 2013

Bananas Don’t Belong in Hair

Just because it’s on Pinterest does not mean it’s a good idea.  Like putting food in your hair.  That’s a terrible fucking idea.  Let me explain how I know this.

I've been feeling like my hair has been less than lustrous.  I called for a hair appointment, but could not get in until Friday.  I remembered that I saw something on Pinterest about hair masks using items found in your kitchen.  The avocado mask was supposed to be good for normal hair so I went with that one.  That is until I cut into the one avocado I had and found it was rotten.  I did not let one rotten avocado deter me though.  Oh no.  I was putting food in my hair.

I kept scrolling and found one for dry hair involving banana and honey.  Jackpot!  I mashed up some banana with honey and rubbed it all in my hair.  The directions said to cover with a shower cap and let it sit for 15 minutes.  I came out of the bathroom wearing workout clothes and a shower cap.  My son gave me a funny look but I think he has grown used to his mother being weird so he didn't say anything.

Fifteen minutes later I stepped in the shower and saw my plan fall apart.  There is not enough shampoo in the world to wash out that kind of sticky goop.  The directions had said to comb your hair in the shower, but really…who follows directions?  I have fingers and they will work just fine thank you very much.  Except they didn’t.  After a couple of rinse, lather, repeats I gave up and went for the conditioner.  Maybe conditioner would break up the banana-honey concoction gumming up my hair.  Nope.  Sure didn't.

Finally, I decided I had had enough and I really had to get to the grocery store.  Maybe some argan oil would help this disaster I created?  It didn't   And here’s the thing, when they said that if you don’t comb your hair out you may have banana chunks in your hair, they weren't kidding.  What they didn't warn me about is what happens when you apply a straight iron to said banana chunks.  I will tell you that now.  It smokes.  It smokes and it smells like Elvis is fixing his signature sandwich on your scalp.

I really had to get to the grocery store and my plan was now reduced to just hang out in the produce section next to the bananas so the smell of my hair blends in.  So if you do see me hanging out in the produce section, come by and say hi.  I've got some lovely samples of toasted banana with honey for you to try.  I hope you don’t mind a little hair in your food.

Things you should not put in your hair.

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