Wednesday, June 5, 2013

Death by Cow Farts

Nine years of marriage have changed our conversations.  We’ve heard our life stories.  We’ve told the same stories over and over.  That is how we found ourselves discussing cow farts.

“I met someone at the spa today that’s a peschetarian.  Have you ever heard of that?”  (See, lash extensions lead to increased vocabulary.)
“What’s that?”
“A peschetarian doesn’t eat anything that walks on land.  So only seafood for meat.”
“That’s stupid.”
“Why is it stupid?  It’s actually good for the environment.”
If Eric didn’t actually roll his eyes, he virtually rolled them as he said, “How is that good for the environment?”

I had just read an article about the carbon footprint of various meats.  I explained to him how beef has a bigger carbon footprint than pork, which has a bigger footprint than chicken, which has a bigger footprint (in general) than seafood.

“Ergo it is better for the environment.”  Ok, I may not have used the word “ergo” but I’m a) trying to prove that my vocabulary expands at the spa and b) sound smarter since I’m about to get to the cow fart part of this conversation which is coming now…

“What about methane gas?”
“What about it?”
“If we don’t eat the cows then there will just be more of them to release methane gas which is also bad for the environment.”
“So you’re saying that if we all become peschetarians the world will end by cow farts?”
“I’m saying there’s a natural order of things.”
“I guess someone would have to do a study to see which is worse for the environment…CO2 or cow farts…and the CO2 to cow fart equivalency…”
“Can we please end this conversation?”

I’m pretty sure I’m right about this.  If for no other reason than “The Day After the Cow Farted” just doesn’t have the same sense of doom as other apocalyptic movies.





1 comment: