Tuesday, July 16, 2013

Our Rights Shall Not Be Afringed Or Otherwise Accessorized

Being a gun reform advocate in Oklahoma, I get my fair share of hateful and sometimes wacky comments.  This is true for ladies that I work with all across the country.  But recently, the founder or our organization received one that really made me think.

"Are you out of your mind or do you have one? Criminals don't obey gun laws. I feel much safer where a law abiding citizen has a gun to protect us if a crazy with a gun shows up. How stupid can you be? 2nd Amendment says our right to carry a gun shall not be afringed."

The 2nd amendment shall not be afringed.  Hmmm…this person has a point.  It is a slippery slope.  I mean first your afringing the 2nd amendment, then you’re bedazzling the 4th amendment and the next thing you know people are marrying goats and the whole goddamn country falls apart.

We’re already seeing the effects of afringment in Texas.  They are passing laws that will close down almost all the abortion clinics in the state under the name of safety, but we all know that this is really an attempt to vajazzle away the rights of women. And I don’t know about you, but my choice to manage my own reproductive health shall not be vajazzeled.  Unless I want it vajazzeled of course and who is the government to tell me what and how I accessorize my lady parts.

Our founding fathers would be appalled at all this afringement.  Except Washington, who we all know was the first afringer.  Just look at this picture.

I’m sure he’s all “Hey Tom! Ben!  John!  Did you see my shoulder fringe on my uniform.  Isn’t it just fabulous?” and they were all like “Damnit George, we saw you’re fringe the first 10 times you pointed it out and it still looks completely ridiculous.  Now can you please stop posing so we can get back to forming a country?”

I’m telling you afringing, vajazzaling, and otherwise accessorizing the constituition is just bad news.  I will take my rights plain and unadorned thank you very much.

1 comment:

  1. You are so creative! I love this.

    My first year of teaching, I had this quote in my room: The future president of the United States may be sitting in my classroom. I hope she's having a good day.

    I got a dozen phone calls from dads saying I needed to read the Bill of Rights because women presidents were directly addressed in the Constitution.

    Um. First: Two different documents. Second: No.

    If people would just READ and be smarter, we'd have a different country.