Friday, August 30, 2013

I Am Done With Nature

This evening I discovered a snake on our front step when I stepped out to take our dog for a walk.  I don’t do snakes.  But since I’ve been talking to my son about being brave, I decided I would be a mature adult and handle the situation accordingly.   I pulled myself together and promptly ran to the bathroom to get Eric and have him kill it.  I showed him where the snake was and then bravely ran inside, closed the door, and hugged my dog while he whacked it with a shovel.  Then I bravely brought him a plastic bag and bravely waited inside while he disposed of the dead snake.

Then being the brave person that I am I took my dog for a walk anyway.  As we were walking by a mailbox surrounded by some small shrubs, one the shrubs started to shake.  Either there was a critter or Miley Cyrus was twerking in there.  (Look, I didn’t write a Miley post like most bloggers so I had to get a joke in some how.)  Anyway, I didn’t wait around to find out.

As I was thinking about how nature wasn’t all that great tonight, a kamikaze lightning bug flew into my eyeball.  I watched it's glow fly through the air and then it got closer...and closer...until it hit me in the left eye.  I imagine that it was a bit like following the light in a near death experience except instead of heaven some little fucker hits you in the cornea.  Incidentally, I believe that ‘Heaven is a Lightning Bug to the Eyeball” is the sequel to the bestseller “Heaven is for Real.”

So I’ve decided that I am done with summer.  Bring on the fall.  Bring on indoor activities because Nature, I am done with you.
I didn't stick around to take a picture, but it pretty much looked exactly like this.

1 comment:

  1. When I lived in the country I had a copperhead bite the sandals I was wearing. A bit too close for comfort! Almost stepped on another but my husband (boyfriend at the time) stopped me.

    I'm okay with non-venomous snakes because they often keep the venomous ones away.