Tuesday, August 20, 2013

Potty Hell

Four hours into potty training and we’ve been through 3 pairs of Dora panties, pee on the hardwood/carpet, no pee in the potty and oh, I picked up a turd off the floor.
To all you people who told me potty training a girl was easier, you’re all liars.

I had one previous attempt that resulted in multiple episodes of pee on the floor.  I decided that she just wasn’t ready yet and put it aside for a while.  Then we went to Target and happened to walk by the panty aisle.

“I want princess panties,” said Kenzie pointing to a pack of Little Mermaid panties.
“Will you go to the potty if I buy these?”  We already had Dora and Minnie Mouse panties.  For some reason I had higher hopes for the Little Mermaid.  This makes no sense because I don’t even know if her anatomy makes going on a potty feasible.
As predicted when you ask silly things of a 2-year old, this promise ended the same as Anthony Wiener’s promise not to text pictures of his wang again.  Meaning that we’ve had no successful episodes of peeing in the potty.  Don’t worry, she’ s not texting inappropriate pictures of herself.

Here’s a list of some things I have said within this four-hour window:

“Do not wipe your face with your panties.”
“Soccer balls do not go in the potty.”
“Get your foot out of the toilet.”
“Please get your hand out of the way or you will pee on it.”

I suck at this.  I’m trying to stay calm and not loose my cool, which I know is the worst thing you can do, but it’s so hard not to yell, “Why?  Why would you pee on the floor 10 seconds after getting off the potty?”

I’ve done a lot of deep breathing today to get a grip on the frustration.  On the plus side, she did eat her lunch with involved zucchini.  She chose a orange popsicle for dessert.  As she was licking her popsicle, juice dripping down her chest and all over her Dora panties, she hugged my leg and announced, “You’re good at getting popsicles.  You’re a good momma.”

Well, at least I’ve got that.

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