Tuesday, September 10, 2013

The Chick-fil-A Vagina Slide Story

I would like to start off by saying my blog is not number 1 for anything however, I really think I have a chance of being number 1 in Google searches for ‘chick-fil-a vagina slide’.  Anyway, I promise there is actually a story here.

Every Saturday morning, my kids play soccer.  Our good friends Mike and Lori also have their kids in soccer so it’s become our ritual to go to soccer and then lunch at some kid-friendly establishment.  This Saturday it was Chick-Fil-A.  If you ever want to feel better about your parenting go to any kid-centric restaurant after weekend sports.  I personally felt like mom of the year after seeing a Chick-Fil-A worker summon a child from the playground to eat lunch because the parents were too lazy to get her themselves.  The other thing that made me feel better as a parent?  My child has never once used playground equipment as pretend genitals.

Eric, Mike and I were sitting in the playground area watching our various children have meltdowns over socks, kids that looked at them funny, and Chick-Fil-A toys when we noticed a rather large girl straddling the slide.  And moaning.  While wearing a very short skirt.

At this point you might be thinking, “Well, that’s completely inappropriate for a child!”, but don’t worry it wasn’t sexual.  You see, she was just pretending to give birth to the children coming down the slide.  See?  Not weird.  Just a girl using a slide as a birth canal.

“OHHHH…YOU’RE TEARING ME APART!” as one came down the slide.

A rapid succession of children prompted a loud, “AAAAAHHHHH!”

After this continued for a bit, I heard her tell another child, “This says only for up to 5 years old.  I’m 9.”  I would add that although not written, I think it’s probably implied that if you’re using the slide as a pretend vagina, you’re too old for the playground.

A few of the kids decided to go underneath her and climb up the slide.


Cue uncomfortable looks from every parent in the playground trying to look anywhere but the child pretending to be experiencing intense trauma to her “egg sack” from children crawling up her pretend va-jay-hole.

I would like to point out that Chick-Fil-A came out against gay marriage because it violated their moral code.  I can’t help but wonder how they would feel about girls pretending to birth children using one of their slides as a vagina.

You will never look at one of these the same way again.

1 comment:

  1. Oh...my...GAWD! Hilarious, but a little ticked that you have ruined my favorite piece of playground equipment for me! Ha!