Tuesday, October 1, 2013

Out of My Cold Bacon Grease Filled Hands

Yesterday the Affordable Care Act went into effect and today I see baconless pinto beans advertised like it’s a good thing.  Connected?  You tell me.

Look, I’m not one to make wild accusations on the Internet, but Obama.

Think about it.  We all know he’s communist Kenyan who hates us for our freedom to eat salted meats.  So what a perfect way to take our liberties than some propaganda about how bacon is bad for us.  Sure he didn’t say that, but that’s not going to stop me from saying it.  Why?  Because I love freedom and America.  That’s why.

Now you might be asking yourself, “Now how do you go from a healthcare law to bacon confiscation?”  First of all, if you are asking yourself that you’re probably a communist tree-hugging hippie and you should move to Canada.  Second, microchips and bacon panels.

Yep, that’s right.  Obamacare has a  little know provision that requires every person to have a microchip implanted that monitors your bacon consumption.  If you have never read that provision you’re a socialist granola eatin’ libtard and you should move back to Germany or some other country that hates us for our constitution and incredibly good deals at insanely low prices.

The bacon consumption is then monitored by bacon panels.  The bacon panels are made up of Obama appointees that he picked from his Muslim Brotherhood barbershop quartet.  Sure, that may sound like a crazy accusation but Obama has a funny foreign name so it’s probably true.  Plus, I just wrote it so it’s fact.  Boom.

From there he goes to the United Nations, signs a bacon treaty, and next thing you know we have complete bacon confiscation.  Well,  Obama I have three words for you.  You can pry the bacon out of my cold dead hands.  Ok, that’s technically 11 words, but fuck you.  This is America and I can count however I goddamn please.

So in conclusion,-Obama is the devil, bacon, freedom, ‘Merica.




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