Monday, November 11, 2013

Sophia Ain't No Jenny From The Block

My daughter loves Sophia the First.  It’s not her favorite cartoon and will still get beat out my Dora or Team Umizoomi, but it’s definitely in the top ten.  It’s one of my least favorites.  As I was listening the theme song I realized why.  Sophia will never be a Jenny from the Block.

Hear me out.  Jennifer Lopez wrote Jenny from the Block to prove that fame and money hadn’t changed her.  Then there’s Sophia.  First song after becoming a “princess overnight” and she’s singing about going to a school “that’s just for royalty.”  Way to rub it in Sophia.  Classy.

First of all, what’s up with the ball gown?  Do you ever take that damn thing off? Even Jenny will throw on a pair of jeans every now and again.  I’m sure when people comment on it, you give ‘em a “What?  This old thing?”  At least you can wear it with a pair on Chuck Taylors or something to prove that underneath all that tulle you’re still just a girl from down in the village.

Speaking of…let me talk to you for a moment, girls from the village.  Give up on her.  Sophia will never be the same.  Sure she’ll promise to come visit, but she’ll be in that damn ballgown talking about all her royal friends and how they went on cool vacations while she’s stuck here, no offense.  She’ll suggest you go get a bite to eat at the ole Tavern and then she’ll complain about the food not being gluten-free or non-GMO or about the boar not being free-range boar.

Eventually, she’ll slowly lose contact.  She might send a Tweet every now and again #BFF #village, but then you’ll see the “Girls who wear last season’s ball gowns #lame” Tweet and it’ll never be the same.  She might resurface when she’s a teen because she had a fight with her parents and is seeking out her roots, but really it will be more about showing off her BMW carriage.  When she sees your pre-owned carriage that you inherited from your older sister she’ll make some snide comment about how it must be nice not to worry about getting scratches on it.  Then she’ll speed back to the castle blaring Miley Cyrus on her top of the line sound system and beg for her parents’ forgiveness, promising never to run off to “the hood” again.

So don’t be fooled by the rock that she got.  Cause her rock lets her talk to animals and you just can’t compete with that.

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