Thursday, November 21, 2013

The Importance of Selfies

It’s a proud day in our household.

My son took his first selfie.

It’s milestone every parent dreams off.  The day your child puts away childish things to say, “Look at me.  Look at me.  Look! Do you like it?  Like my picture!”  A great selfie is the mark of a great man.

Just look at some of the great men and women that got their start with a great selfie.  Anthony Weiner for instance.  That guy…well, he went on to not be mayor of New York.  But his penis? Everyone knows that guy.  I hear it’s LinkedIn profile is getting all sorts of attention.

Just think about some of our historical figures.  Where would they have gone with a good selfie?  How much more successful would they have been?  William Henry Harrison was president for all of 30 days and no one remembers him, but 30 days is plenty of time for a great selfie.  If he had had access to a smartphone maybe instead of one of the 10 worst presidents we would know him as America’s Duckface.  Sadly, the chance at that title has passed and been snatched up by Kim Kardashian leaving us wondering what could have been.

But don’t take my word for how important the selfie is.  Take Oxford’s word.  Oxford dictionary that is.  The Oxford dictionary, published by Oxford University, alma mater of Stephen Hawking, has named “selfie” word of the year.  If Oxford dictionary says it’s important, it must be important.  That and they’re British so you know it’s legit.

So there’s no need for floccinaucinihilipilification.  Because the very important dictionary that taught me the word floccinaucinihilipilification has deemed the selfie important.  Also recently added to the dictionary (online at least)? Twerk.  I will point out that Miley Cyrus, the queen of twerking, is worth $150 million dollars, so yeah…Oxford dictionary’s track record of calling important words is pretty solid.

But listen, I can’t stay here and confabulate with you anymore.  I’ve got to search for the great selfies of Justin Bieber to show my son as inspiration.  Cause that kid has taken his first step towards greatness and I’ll be damned if he ends up the next William Henry Harrison.

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