Monday, December 9, 2013

Went to a Fancy Gala, Avoided a Janet Jackson Moment

This weekend Eric and I got to go to a fancy pants dinner.  It was a Tulsa Library Gala.  I’m not actually cool enough to get invited to something like this on my own, but I have friends that are and they invited us.  I admit I was pretty damn giddy when my friend Lori called to tell me about it.  They would be giving an award to Kazuo Ishiguro, the author of The Remains of the Day.   You know, the one they made into a movie starring Sir Anthony Hopkins and Emma Thompson?  I am proud to say I have read both the book and watched the movie.  I am ashamed to say I remember nothing else except that it featured a butler.

“It’s a literary thing so it’s right up your alley,” she said.  This is were I reminded her that she would be lucky if I didn’t blurt out something like “You all read that book Twilight.  That book is amaze-balls!”

I went out and bought a fancy pants dress from Saks.  My choices were narrowed considerably when I told the saleslady my price requirements and the fact that I needed a midget size.  Eric rented a tux and we were ready to go to prom, I mean, the Tulsa Library Gala.  (Yes, I admit it…I was excited about getting to wear fancy clothes.)



We arrived at Southern Hills country club in awe of how the other half lives.  Do you know that one of their parking lots has a name?  Yeah.  (Note to self: Come up with a name for my driveway.  I’ve seriously been procrastinating on that.  Embarrassing.)  We decided that the plates were definitely not purchased at Hobby Lobby or Party Galaxy.

We sat down at out table with people way more important than me.  I sat next to a very nice important gentleman who was there with his important wife who told me about his important son, an award-winning playwright.  He was probably about the age of my father and I was just imagining that if I were his daughter I would be a footnote at the end of his conversations.  “Then there’s Sabine.  Her crowning achievement is that she once ate three types of pie in once setting, but we don’t talk about her.”  And as I was thinking of something important and witty to say, the strap of my fancy pants dress snapped.

Now all I could think about as he was telling me about his important children was what if my boob pops out?  How should I excuse myself ?  “Excuse me, but I have to go to the restroom because I’m afraid my boob might pop out at any moment. I’m sorry, that was terribly inappropriate…my breast…I’m afraid my breast might pop out.”  Good Lord, people are in tuxes, I’ve got to use polite language.

I excused myself to go to the restroom without an elaborate explanation.  As I was trying to fashion my dress into a one-shoulder number or if that failed, use one of the curtain panel to fashion a new dress à la Scarlett O’Hara, Lori came in with a safety pin and put me back together again.  Janet Jackson moment averted.

In the end, I did not embarrass myself or my friends.  I did not flash any rich people, although to think I was endowed enough to do so was probably a bit ambitious.  I do have to admit something though.  I never actually read Twilight, I just watched the movie and I’m not sure exactly what that says about my status as literary.

Signed copy of The Remains of the Day-coolest party favor ever.  Way better than after dinner mint and I'm only slightly disappointed that party favor was not bag of money.


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