Monday, January 20, 2014

Oklahoma Lawmaker Says Stuff. Again.

Oklahoma state representative Sally Kern is known for saying some wacky stuff. Not to disappoint, she recently had this to say about homosexuality:

“Homosexuals are saying this is who we are, this is how we’re born,” Kern added. “You tell a lie long enough, people start to believe it.”

This brings back a flood of memories of the day that I decided to be a hetero.  Like all preferences on sexuality, it was decided upon after much deliberation with my spreadsheets and pro and con lists for homo- and heterosexuality.  Now on the con side to homosexuality was obviously “evil” and “Jesus will hate you” on the pro side to heterosexuality was “always have someone around to kill spiders”.

Then there was this gem also from Rep. Kern:

"Studies show that no society that has totally embraced homosexuality has lasted more than, you know, a few decades. So it's the death knell of this country. I honestly think it's the biggest threat our nation has, even more so than terrorism or Islam – which I think is a big threat, okay? 'Cause what's happening now is they are going after, in schools, two-year olds...And this stuff is deadly, and it's spreading, and it will destroy our young people, it will destroy this nation!"

Now in the end I did choose heterosexuality, but I admit that a con for me was “cannot destroy a civilization”.  I pictured myself in a Storm from X-Men type outfit yelling, “Let the power of Gay-skull reign upon your straight city!”  Then Jesus would show up and he would be all, “Dude, why you gotta be all gay and stuff?  You know I have to hate you now?”  Then I remembered that sometimes I get tired driving and I couldn’t piss him off because I occasionally needed him to take the wheel.

This brings me to a recent concern.  In March I will be traveling to Portland with my friend Ann and we will be visiting a friend from high school who is gay.  I’m not sure exactly when she sat down with her spreadsheet and decided to be gay, but I’m really hoping it was less than ten years ago otherwise Portland might be due to implode while I am there.  Also, I am not sure if Expedia’s travel insurance covers “travel destination destroyed by gayness”.

Another thing that I did not know about until Sally Kern told me was that homosexuals are teaching 2-year olds to be gay.  I have friends and family that are gay parents and I will have to ask them about this.  Do they home school using ABC Gay or Hooked on Gayness or do they have to take their kids to some sort of learning annex?

I would also like to thank Mrs. Kern for reminding of the danger that homosexuality poses.  I'm wondering, if it truly is a greater threat than terrorism shouldn’t we have some sort of early warning system? Perhaps a siren that shoots out rainbows and glitter and plays Elton John songs when we’ve reached a certain threshold of gayness.  Like if Neil Patrick Harris has been on TV one too many times.

As you can see, Sally Kern has been pretty forthright in her views.  However, I do have to wonder how she truly feels about sodomy since she seems to be just fine with her head up her own ass.


  1. You would be totally bad ass as Storm.

  2. I certainly know that as a gay person, I spend a lot of time lurking around pre-schools so I can indoctrinate 2-year-olds whose parents refuse to teach their children to be gay. But, as you can see, I have chosen to live in a state that does not "fully embrace" gayness, as my gay agenda targeted at today's vulnerable youth would not be well received should the state fall apart due to too much acceptance and love. I fear Oklahoma may be coming close to accepting "the gays," as I very rarely meet an actual person who yells at me for being gay, and have never even been hit with a Bible (well, since graduating high school, anyway). There was just that one incident with the Holy water, but I digress. If Oklahoma *does* end the ban on gay marriage, and recognize equal civil rights for ALL citizens, I may be forced to move to Russia within the next few decades so I can keep sharing my gay love with the kids. Wait... Did that come out right??