Wednesday, January 1, 2014

This Has To Be On Purpose Now

My kids’ goal in life is to see me arrested.  I’m convinced of it.  Just look at the evidence.  There was this and this and this.  Then there was this most recent episode just this week.

The day after Christmas we decided to meet up with some old friends at Logan’s Steakhouse for dinner.  Hudson was thrilled when he found out it was one of those places with peanuts and rolls.  I’ve never seen this kid ask for peanuts, but for some reason being able to throw the shells on the floor makes them delicious.

At some point Kenzie whispered to me, “I have to go to the potty.”  This was about 30 minutes after I took her to the bathroom at Dick’s Sporting Goods store.  One of my least favorite things to do in life is take this child to a public restroom.  It’s like taking an octopus with Tourette’s syndrome.  She insists on touching everything and trying every time to shove her hand in the feminine hygiene disposal box. Meanwhile I turn into the Karate Kid using my best ‘sand the floor’ moves to keep her hands off of the toilet seat.  She peed, we washed hands, and went back to the table.

Another twenty minutes passed and I felt a tiny tap on my shoulder.  “I have to go to the potty.”  For a brief moment I wondered why I thought potty training was so necessary.  We walked back to the bathroom.  Correction: I walked, Kenzie ran/galloped nearly running into a waiter.  Back we went into the stall.  This time the bathroom was busy and somehow Kenzie had to know that this would be the best time for stunt.  Just as I was pulling her pants down, she said loudly, “ARE YOU MY MOMMY?”  Cause of course.  Of course right as I am pulling her panties down in a public restroom would be a perfect time for this.

We finished up and I got the hell out of there in record time.  The only thing that makes me feel better is to think how much worse it would have been had she done this with my husband in the men’s room.

So have a happy new year’s folks!  If you don’t hear from me it’s because I’m having a lovely chat with DHS.


4 comments:

  1. The only thing that comforts me during the many awful trips to a restaurants' potty is, of course, a nice fat glass of red.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Living a life of passion and significance requires knowing what your definite purpose in life is. what is my purpose

    ReplyDelete
  3. Hahaha, sounds like it is on purpose to me... children can be devious.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Never a dull moment! Happy New Year, Sabine!

    ReplyDelete