Wednesday, February 19, 2014

My Secret Life is Hidden in My Purse

You might think that just because I’m a suburban stay at home mother of two that I am boring.  What if I told you that at this very moment in my purse are a glow stick and a pair of panties?  Who’s boring now?

Ok, so the glow stick is from a birthday party.  A kid’s birthday party at Bounce U.  I was there though and there were strobe lights and everything, so I’m pretty much a raver.  Not to mention with this glow stick in my purse I could rave anywhere I want.  I could rave at home, I could rave in the pick-up line, I could rave at Target. I’m so crazy I could just call up Miley have her bring some Molly and pull this glow stick right out of my purse and party like it’s 1999.  Alright, so the fact that I just used an outdated Prince reference might show my uncoolness, but there’s still the panties.

Yeah…I’ve got panties in my purse.  What?!  I know.  I am insane.  It’s like I’m leading a secret life.  If the panties weren’t Minnie Mouse and belonging to my daughter.

Wait, wait!  I have a sponge in here!  My mom gave me a sponge that my grandmother sent from Germany because it’s scratchy side is superior to American sponges.  If I went through customs with that thing I would have to declare it because it far exceeds the abrasiveness of anything found on the shelves in this country.  Then I would tell them if they just wanted to go ahead and search me for Cuban cigars and illegal drugs I would completely understand since I obviously fit the profile.

If you want to come over and hang with me just give me a call.  I am warning you though, things might get a little crazy.  I’m talking cleaning pots and pans with illegal German sponges while listening to some pretty hardcore electronica crazy.

Oh, who am I kidding?  I’m going to call Miley and tell her to get her life together and make sure she’s getting enough sleep.

1 comment:

  1. A few months ago when I cleaned out my purse I found a light up ring and a black condom. Perhaps I should mention that this was following a trip to New Orleans. And that I have friends there who like to give me random items. Nah, it still seems weird.