Wednesday, February 19, 2014

My Secret Life is Hidden in My Purse

You might think that just because I’m a suburban stay at home mother of two that I am boring.  What if I told you that at this very moment in my purse are a glow stick and a pair of panties?  Who’s boring now?

Ok, so the glow stick is from a birthday party.  A kid’s birthday party at Bounce U.  I was there though and there were strobe lights and everything, so I’m pretty much a raver.  Not to mention with this glow stick in my purse I could rave anywhere I want.  I could rave at home, I could rave in the pick-up line, I could rave at Target. I’m so crazy I could just call up Miley have her bring some Molly and pull this glow stick right out of my purse and party like it’s 1999.  Alright, so the fact that I just used an outdated Prince reference might show my uncoolness, but there’s still the panties.

Yeah…I’ve got panties in my purse.  What?!  I know.  I am insane.  It’s like I’m leading a secret life.  If the panties weren’t Minnie Mouse and belonging to my daughter.

Wait, wait!  I have a sponge in here!  My mom gave me a sponge that my grandmother sent from Germany because it’s scratchy side is superior to American sponges.  If I went through customs with that thing I would have to declare it because it far exceeds the abrasiveness of anything found on the shelves in this country.  Then I would tell them if they just wanted to go ahead and search me for Cuban cigars and illegal drugs I would completely understand since I obviously fit the profile.

If you want to come over and hang with me just give me a call.  I am warning you though, things might get a little crazy.  I’m talking cleaning pots and pans with illegal German sponges while listening to some pretty hardcore electronica crazy.

Oh, who am I kidding?  I’m going to call Miley and tell her to get her life together and make sure she’s getting enough sleep.


  1. A few months ago when I cleaned out my purse I found a light up ring and a black condom. Perhaps I should mention that this was following a trip to New Orleans. And that I have friends there who like to give me random items. Nah, it still seems weird.

  2. This is Very very nice article. Everyone should read. Thanks for sharing. Don't miss WORLD'S BEST BikeRacingGame