Monday, February 10, 2014

The Scary Dog That Isn't

Photo by Ann Pinson

This is my dog.  He is a big dog.  He most recently scared the shit out the AT&T people trying to sell me the U-verse.  They told me what a nice dog he was as Cooper gently sniffed their crotches, but their faces said, “Dear God, please don’t let him eat me and/or bite my balls.”  Well, one of them said that with their face. The other was a girl so I don't think she had balls.  I guess you never really know...anyway, that's not the point of this story.

Rottweilers get a bad rap.  I get it.  Before my husband suggested we get one, I was one of those people.  Why didn’t he suggest we get a baby cougar or a rabid monkey?  That’d be nice.  I came around when I met his uncle’s rottie; a 120lb guy named Rogue whose highest aspiration in life was for you to pat him on the head. Side note: if you are going to talk your significant other into getting a dog, do not wait several months later after she has forgotten about said discussion and make her Christmas present a dog leash and collar.  You might think you are saying “Hey, I found a dog!  Let’s go get her!” but she will think it means you are now into some kinky shit.  True story.

We brought home our furry bundle of joy, a female that we named Shelby.  My mother sent her greetings by mailing newspaper clippings of Rottweilers that had eaten people.  Shelby never did eat anyone and we loved her so much that we got a second rottie, Cooper.  (Shelby sadly passed away from cancer 2 years ago.)

Here’s a story about a Rottweiler that won’t end up in the newspaper.  My big scary dog once hid behind my legs on a walk because a Chihuahua barked at him.  And I was pregnant at the time.  He stayed firmly planted behind my legs until we were out of view of the killer Chihuahua’s yard. He was only a year old at the time so maybe his confidence would grow with time.


Just the other day, this same big scary dog had a big scary nightmare.  At least I assume that’s what it was by the twitching and whining.  The big scary dog then jumped up and ran to me and pestered me until I held him.

I’m just glad the AT&T people didn’t see that scene play out.  Their sales pitch was considerably shorter when they thought I owned a man-eater.

I don't have the heart to tell him he is not a lap dog.


  1. Ha! Is he trying to sit his butt in your lap?

    1. Not trying. Did. If you look at his back legs they are completely off the ground. He does this on a regular basis. If you sit on the ground at our house, you are guaranteed to have rottie butt in your lap.

    2. Sounds just like our Kona. Big baby to the core!