Saturday, April 5, 2014

Celebrity Salad Gone Wild

My neighbor is better than your neighbor. I know you’re asking yourself why I would say such an obnoxious thing. My neighbor is a chef. She is a chef who frequently gives me food and the occasional cocktail. Once she made us cocktails in the middle of the afternoon, so unless your neighbor is handing out bags of money mine is better, end of story.

Yesterday she filmed a segment for News 6. She made kale and quinoa salad. I watched her kids while she was filming the segment and she gave me some of the salad in return.

My husband eats neither kale nor quinoa. I tried to convince him he should try it because this salad was famous and had been on TV, but he wasn’t having it. This brings me to my next point.

My salad is getting a bit out of hand. I think its celebrity status is getting to it.  Yesterday afternoon it started an Instagram account.

By the end of the day it was posting selfies to Facebook.

Seriously it’s out of hand. It’s in the front yard right now throwing red onion pieces at TMZ yelling, “I am a super food!” The whole thing started over a mispronunciation of the word quinoa. “It’s pronounced KEEN-WAH, assholes!” The whole thing is made even more awkward by the fact that it has taken to speaking in an affected British accent. We’re not even going to talk about the horribly derogatory remarks made about rainbow chard.

Oh damn. I have to go. My salad is yelling at me. Something about being in a plastic container and how it doesn’t “do plastic”.

I’m gonna have to eat this son of a bitch before things truly get ugly.

1 comment:

  1. Though most celebrities have attractive salaries. I never thought being famous would be wonderful, because my limited exposure to celebrity news has shown me the dark side of it.
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