Tuesday, May 13, 2014

Bedtime Hulk

I’m not going to lie. Tonight was tough.  It was one of those nights that tried my patience.  It was one of those nights where I developed a deep understanding of what Bruce Banner feels like right before he morphs into the Hulk.

Bedtime is the kryptonite to my parenting mojo.  I could be Mary Poppins all day but when 7:00 hits you can find me yelling, “Just brush your teeth! Your teeth! Brush them!  For the love of God why can’t you just brush your teeth.”

Bedtime is not one of my finer moments.  I feel like I have a finite amount of parenting peace and tranquility and it runs out around 7:00.  This does not gel well with my children’s energy level with spikes around 7:00.  Around 7:00 they remind me of the meth heads that I used to take care of in the ER.  The ones that wouldn’t stop talking or moving or yelling or talking or moving.  Around 7:00 they turn into pint-sized ravers hopped up on Pixie sticks with a sprinkle of crack.

I just don’t understand why the children who have been fiercely independent the rest of the day are now requiring instructions like, “Put the toothpaste on your toothbrush.  Now brush your teeth.  Brush, don’t just hold the toothbrush in your mouth.  You have to move your toothbrush!”

I’ve tried it all.  I’ve left the room to calm myself when I can hear myself start yelling.  I’ve tried some yoga breaths.  I’ve tried to practice some mindfulness, but all that new age shit ain’t got nothing on my kids who at one point were jumping around the living room wearing only underwear and cowboy hats.  I bet if Buddha had kids around while seeking enlightment, his path to awakening would have involved a lot less meditation and a lot more drinking.

I wish I could end this post with a “and then I figured out what the secret to a calm bedtime routine was”.  I can’t.  I will tell you that I apologized to Hudson for sometimes loosing my temper.  I promised him I would work on it if he would work on listening.  He gave me his hand to shake on it.  That was nice, but I have a feeling we’ll be in the same place tomorrow.

I guess I just wrote this for anyone else reading this that feels like they may blow an aneurysm every night.  You are not alone and I raise my glass to you, frazzled parent, cause that was a rough one.


1 comment:

  1. I don't know how many times I've told the 9 yr old that just holding the toothbrush in his mouth does not constitute brushing. I often make him go back and brush them a second time (even if it did an okay job) just because I like to wield that power over him.

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