Tuesday, May 27, 2014

If You Tell a 3-Year Old to Clean Her Room

If you tell a 3-year old to clean her room, she will pretend not to hear you.

When she pretends not to hear you, you will ask her again. This time louder.

When you ask her again, she will pretend she’s a dog and therefore unable to clean her room.

When she pretends to be a dog and therefore unable to clean her room, you will threaten to put her in time out.

When you threaten to put her in time out she will pick up one toy just to tease you and then immediately put it down again.

When she picks up a toy just to tease you and then puts it down again, you will lose your mind and you will yell.

When you lose your mind and yell, she will pout and cry and make you feel like a horrible person.

Then she will ask you to do her hair.

When she asks you to do her hair, you will do it to prove that you are not actually a horrible person.

After you do her hair and prove you are not a horrible person, you will kindly ask her to clean her room.

This will remind her that it’s time to jump off of the couch.

When you see her jumping off of the couch instead of cleaning her room, you will threaten to start throwing away toys that are not put up.  You will pick up a toy horse and ask her if it is going in her room or in the trash.

When you threaten to throw her toys in the trash, she will call your bluff and tell you to throw her toy horse in the trash.

You will walk to the trash and say, “I’m serious!”.  She will say simply, “Trash.”

When she tells you to throw her toy horse in the trash, you will cave and set it on the lid of the trashcan because you will be reminded that you waited in line one hour at Toys ‘R’ Us at Christmas time to buy the toy horse.

Thinking of this will make you realize that Santa got all the credit for that one and you’re not even appreciated.  Then you will be broken.

When your 3-year old sees that you are broken, she will show mercy and go upstairs to clean her room. She will come down and tell you proudly that she cleaned her room and ask if you want to see it.  You will go upstairs.  She will hold your hand, soothing your frazzled mind and your battered soul.

And when you see her room you will realize that you have just been schooled by a 3-year old.

1 comment:

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