Monday, September 1, 2014

It's Like You Don't Know Me At All

My source of irritation this week is that I got 54% of the “How Hippie Are You?” quiz. It’s bullshit. They only reason I got half-hippie is because I don’t particularly like tie-dye and I like to shower. Apparently the writers of this quiz are only concerned with appearances, which is very non-hippie.

I bought my kids metal lunch trays so they could take lunch to school and produce no trash. I buy compostable trash bags and my husband is afraid to bring plastic bags home. Does that count for nothing, quiz writers?

Oh sure, I still drive an SUV, but I’m looking at a electric and hybrid cars and am planning on ordering a Ford Fusion Energi which can drive 21 miles fully electric so get off my case, quiz people!

Do you know that I compost quiz writers? Do you even care? Ok, I kind of gave up on that when the compost turned to what could only be described as the contents of a porta-potty, but still…it’s something.

My friend who lives in Portland, raises backyard chickens and wears patchouli oil only got 74%. How dare you deny her her full hippiness, quiz people?

I got half-hippie on the same day that I bought dental floss in cardboard recyclable packaging. Seriously, quiz writers? Hippie dental floss doesn’t even get me to 60%? Not that that even matters to them. They didn’t even bother to ask. It’s all about what I’m wearing and my personal hygiene. And if I like the Grateful Dead enough. I subscribe to both the Indie channel and the Woody Guthrie/Arlo Guthrie channel on Pandora. It’s like you don’t know me at all, quiz makers.

It's 100% vegan. In case anyone was worried about that.


I ate falafel flavored roasted chickpeas that I bought at Whole Foods. I didn’t even know falafel was considered a flavor, but that sounds pretty damn hippie to me.

I guess I’m going to go buy some hemp shoes now so the online quiz people will see me as the hippie that I know I truly am. If you need me, I’ll be eating my feelings along with this flaxseed, non-gluten muffin.

My dad likes to lament the fact that he somehow managed to raise two hippies. We took this especially for him.


8 comments:

  1. I consider myself pretty environmentally conscious but I love hamburgers too much. They would probably give me a 40% just for my love of beef.

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