A kitchen. An 8-year-old boy, HUDSON, is boiling
keychains. Mother is supervising. She hasn’t totally given up, but given up
enough that she is telling herself this is the budding of a great scientific
achievement. She daydreams of son accepting Nobel Prize. He starts his speech
with “It all started when my mother saw me for who I was and allowed me to boil
keychains in her good pot…” She hopes this is how it will go and not the
alternate story. In this one he is sitting on a couch with his stoner friends.
They are covered in Cheeto dust and neck tattoos. They think their neck tattoos
are “really deep” and “ironic”, but most people would describe them as “stupid”
and “spelled wrong”. They are one-upping
each other in terrible parent stories. “You think that’s bad! My mom let me
boil KEYCHAINS and didn’t say shit! How fucked up is that?”
*Writer’s note: I
realize this isn’t how plays work. You can’t really convey “worried that son will
hang out with Cheeto dust, neck tattoo covered losers” in one look. If anyone
could though it would be Helen Mirren. She’s brilliant. Did you see her in ‘Red’?
I watched it the night I was going to teach myself French after the kids went
to bed. I’m sorry. I’m tired and I’m busy supervising a child who is boiling
keychains.
Mother, SABINE, turns
her tired eyes on her 5-year-old daughter, KENZIE, and thinks she should
probably do something to feel like she is doing something remotely resembling
parenting.
SABINE: Get off the iPad and do something else.
KENZIE: Can I do an experiment?
KENZIE starts pulling
out bowls, pots, baking soda, spices, etc. Experiments=putting a bunch of shit
in a pot, heating it up and seeing what happens. Pretty much what her son is
doing, but that’s different. He’s eight. She still has standards. She has not
totally given up yet.
SABINE: No!
KENZIE: YOU NEVER LET ME DO ANYTHING! Can I watch the iPad?
SABINE bangs head
repeatedly into a wall while looking longingly at a calendar. As curtain
closes, KENZIE can be heard yelling from off-stage.
KENZIE: CAN I DO AN EXPLOSION?
END SCENE
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